My Experience of Heaven

Last night while I was at church something strange happened to me. I cannot describe what it was, but it was like taking the next step towards God. A burden had been lifted from me, and my heart feels freer than ever. After church, when I went home to by bed, I had trouble sleeping, so I chose to meditate on God. After getting deep into meditation, I entered into a lucid dream. A lucid dream is a dream in which you are aware of the fact that you dreaming and can control the dream. This has happened numerous times in the past, and although it is uncommon, I have grown used to them occurring. However, this time was very different, for it was the first time that I actually had the self control and desire to chase after God within the lucid state, instead of chasing after the typical selfish desires that humans naturally turn to when gifted with Lucid Dreaming. I sat down within that dream, and meditated within my own meditation. When this happened, something more than a mere dream occurred to me. I was taken through to another realm; another state of existence. I can only describe the place I was taken to as what most people call heaven.

I have written this blog to record my experience, and although words cannot express the experience itself, it will help remind me of it.

Music was playing. It was the ultimate song. Infinite information of what the song sounds like was conveyed without time. Beautiful. A perfect representation of God. Unable to be heard with human ears, I cannot begin to describe what it sounded like because technically I would not even label it as sound. It was non visual, non verbal untouchable artwork of God. It was not digital, it was a frequency that did not have waves. It simply ‘was’.


Throughout the experience, I could feel an indescribable sensation of warmth and love from the centre of my being that overwhelmed me. It was Love, Peace, SouI, God.


had no body, and was able to fly to places with mere thought. Although I had this ability, I did not use it because I was honestly awestruck at what I was witnessing.


Everything was made from infinite fractals, but they were different from earthly fractals. On earth, we can only see what our extremely limited eyes and brains can process. We need microscopes to see the deeper information of the fractals in our world. In the dream the infinite information contained in the fractals was observable because I had no eyes. I was a purely mental being. Everything was infinite and perfect.

Nothing was moving in a sense, because like the music, all the information of how it moved was already streamlined into me. I was beyond time, so there was nothing to be ‘animated’ because all the ‘animation’ data of everything was already present in a singular moment.

The actual description of what I saw was a river, coming from mountains in the distance. The water was running, but not in time. It had already ran, it was running and it would always run. All the ‘information’ of how it ran was there, but beyond time, similar to the music. The river was life itself.

There were fields of some plant, that had a stalk like wheat, but the bud was large like a fruit, and looked like a rose. The entire landscape was full of this plant. And it was made perfectly from infinite fractals. I knew that the plant was eatable, but I did not have time to try It. I was only there for 30 seconds before I woke up.

I saw some houses in the distance, and they looked very humble but quite large. I cannot really remember any specific details about what they looked like as they were far away.

The sun was glory, and never went down. It was always there and would always be there. I know this because like I described earlier, all the information of what things behave like was present; outside of time. It was radiant like nothing on earth or space and it had the warmth of love within it. Everything radiated pure love.

When I woke up, I was crying. What I had experienced was more real than this reality, and I desperately want to go back. I am envious of my future self, as I know this relationship, this place, is what I was created for.

Anyway, I must stress that the objects and descriptions of what I have written will not give you the slightest idea of what heaven is like, because it is not the objects themselves that made this place heaven. It was the level of consciousness; the mental state of the ‘place’. I honestly would not even call it a place, because it is not a physical world. But for lack of a better word I must call it a place. This ‘place’ was made of pure consciousness, similar to a dream, but infinite in every regard. It is the dream of God. The heart of his being and the purest place where his essence dwells.

I did not meet a physical image of God, because I did not need to. God was inside me. His love radiated my entire spirit, and no words needed to be said. The experience itself was enough for me. And it has changed me in a way that has brought me to tears right now as I right this.

He loves you so much. he loves me so much, and I will never understand the human nature of why I have judged myself in the past. We are infinite beings destined for an infinite world; and the only requirement to attain this world is give your heart and life to our beautiful and perfect creator.

Are Drugs Evil?


Before reading this, I must stress that what I am about to say might sound confrontational. Even if you believe that drugs are good or evil, the things I am about to say might challenge your understanding of morality and the way we view drug users.

My Experience

As a Christian who has taken LSD, you might be surprised to hear that I had an indescribable experience that changed my life in a positive way. You might also be surprised to hear that I believe that LSD, magic mushrooms and weed do not melt your brain and leave you as a bumbling idiot. I understand that some people with a history in mental illness might be triggered by psychedelic drugs, but for normal people, it is not physically harmful.

Psychedelic drugs allow you to open your mind and explore it in a way that can only be bested by one thing; God himself. If I were to live a life without God, taking psychedelic drugs would literally be the next best thing; because it allowed me to see the world through eyes that have never seen it before.

I have never met an atheist who has taken LSD or magic mushrooms, and stayed an atheist. LSD is like forcing yourself to witness a miracle for 12 hours without a break, and this experience is so profound that it has been scientifically proven to permanently change your personality and worldview. What is this miracle you are witnessing when you take LSD? Life: through the eyes of your spirit.

Before taking LSD I had researched the effects of it so I understood the risks quite well. The reason I took it was because I wanted to experience something spiritual. Despite being raised in a Christian family, my life was not spiritually fulfilling and I wanted to learn more about reality. All the stories I had read online sounded amazing, but they were nothing quite like the experience itself.

LSD expands your consciousness. This means that it allows your brain to process information at a higher level, and gives your soul more options of free will. When I took LSD, my ability to completely control my emotions was handed to me, along with more understanding and wisdom than the past 3 years of my life. I was able to see my life through completely untainted eyes, which allowed me to see both the positive and negative aspects of myself. It was very confronting, because I saw how much of an arrogant, selfish person I was; but I was also able to change this, and become a better person.

When I took LSD, I was also given the complete awareness that God was with me. During the experience, my level of love was lifted beyond normal capacity. But this awareness of his presence wore off after the drug trip had ended.

Many people (mostly Christians) say they know that God is everywhere, but this is not something to be known; it is something to be experienced. If one simply ‘knows’ that God is there, but does not consciously acknowledge his all-pervasive presence, one is simply inventing a symbol of God and using it to explain things, instead of leaving behind this symbol and embracing God himself.

If you don’t understand what I mean, imagine me writing down on a piece of paper, the words “a million dollars”. You understand the knowledge of the “million dollars” but there is a big difference between knowing about the million dollars and actually having the cash in your hand.

When under the influence of LSD, I could not ignore God. God was not a symbol to me, God was REAL. My whole life I had been viewing God as a symbol up until this point. This is one of the reasons why many people claim LSD should be taken for spiritual purposes. However, even after taking LSD I do not claim it should be taken under any circumstances, but I will explain why in a minute.

For now, I will explain the effects that LSD had upon me when I took it many years ago.

The visual effect of the drug was extremely inspiring as an artist. A good way of expressing how LSD changed my visual perception of the world is to imagine your current vision resolution like a computer screen. LSD can quadruple the size of the computer screen; it enhances your ability to take in visual information like some sort of steroid.

LSD also intensifies your ability to perceive patterns. I was able to see fractal patterns everywhere; both hallucinogenic and real. Every image I looked at was holographic and animated. I spent hours looking at space images online, because they were three dimensional. During my experience I was in constant communication with God, and was praising him as to the incredibly beautiful creation I was a part of.

I have also smoked weed. Weed was the first drug I had ever tried, and was amazing at first because it inspired my creativity and allowed me to view my three dimensional mind like a projector. I could see the Drawing I was about to create before I drew it. Music sounded better, food tasted better, and it overall just made me happy.

Drugs – The Positive & Negatives

Now that I’ve explained my experiences of the three main psychedelic drugs, I will list a summary of the positive and negative effects it has had on me.


  • Expanded my consciousness in 12 hours to comparative to a few years of meditation
  • Allowed me to correct the faults in my Character
  • Given me knowledge that the supernatural is real, and exists in the mental realm
  • Provided me with Artistic Inspiration
  • Made my life interesting and fun


  • Created an addiction to Weed
  • Created a reliance on Drugs for Spiritual learning
  • Given me a taste of cosmic knowledge; enough to make me want more, but never giving more
  • Tricked me into thinking that Drugs were the pathway to the answers of the universe
  • Created an Irresponsible attitude towards my own safety
  • Created an addiction to Synthetic weed (when I ran out of real weed)
  • Created a careless attitude towards the future (live for the now, etc…)
  • Filled my life with guilt, as my family disagreed with my choices
  • Made me depressed and extremely bored when I ran out of drugs

During the time of my life that I was taking drugs, I personally felt that the positive effects far outweighed the negative, but this was only because I was mostly unaware of the negative effects at the time. I knew that they were there but did not want to admit them or confront them; lest they tear me away from the fun I was having.

The only way one can truly know the negative effects of the best thing in their life is to find a better thing and compare the two.

So are Drugs Evil?

I am no longer Pro-drugs; not because drugs are pure evil. The evil of drugs come from the fact that they are a distortion of something far greater and better; God.

Drugs have an element of truth that can lead a person to God, so I understand why they exist. They are not simply on earth to lead people astray from the truth. If a person seeks the truth, and they take psychedelics, they will eventually find it. But if a person is happy with what they already know and does not wish to peruse truth until the day they die, they will probably stay with drugs.

Some people don’t learn a single thing while on LSD, and this is only because of their personal choices, not because of the drug. LSD is not like a roller coaster. It is like a car. You drive it where you want to go, and it will help you get there faster. I do not condone it, but I cannot condemn it because I know what it was like when I knew little and wanted to know more. I have been there, and done that, and I can honestly say that for some people this step is necessary. I believe it was for me. All I can say is, If you are willing to sacrifice your current life in order to know the truth immediately, you can skip the step of taking drugs, and go straight to the most intense experience of truth in existence; truth himself.

Drugs vs GOD

When I had my first experience of God, I can honestly say that it was more intense than all the drugs I had ever taken in my life, combined. It was traumatizing and cannot be put into words. The experience had two stages:

1.) Stage One – The acknowledgement of who I was.

This stage caused bone shaking guilt and suffering, because I was face to face with eternal love, eternal goodness, infinite purity, infinite knowledge, the alpha and omega, and I was so ashamed I was face down on the floor screaming. This perfect being had done everything for me. He created me, and all I had done my entire life was ignore him, and treat him like he wasn’t there. There was no excuse; I could not hide behind anything; all I could do was judge myself and condemn myself to hell. I saw myself as a traitor to all goodness. A worthless maggot who could not have the common decency to give the time of day to the greatest being that ever was. This stage lasted about 20 seconds. I was screaming and crying until the second stage hit me.

2.) Stage Two -The acknowledgement of who I was.

This is not a typing error, and the two stages are as different to each other as black is from white, although they have the same title. The reason they are the same is because, when confronted with the brute fact of God, one literally cannot stop their consciousness from changing. When a person’s consciousness changes, they see from a different perspective. A shift in consciousness is similar to an optical illusion; but instead of being a simple visual change in perception, it changed literally every part of my experience as a living being.Optical Illusion

God’s love was so intense that it burned out any notion of sin and only left me with uncontrollable laughter. Instead of seeing the disgusting things (sin) I had done, I was now able to see the truth about myself; that I was a child of God. I am made in the image of God, an through Love, he touched me. I laughed because I was finally free from myself. I was the one causing me pain. I was the one judging myself like a worthless maggot; God did not judge me. He loved me and did not give me a shred of condemnation. I laughed so hard because God had set me free from myself. I no longer had to be ashamed because I experienced how much God loved me. When you love someone, the last thing you want that person to do is to hide from you because they think they are unworthy. And because I couldn’t hide, all I could do was the one thing God wanted me to do; accept his love.

When the guilt and shame broke, it was like breaking a dam wall, unleashing a torrent of pure bliss that penetrated every part of my being. I felt more pleasure in this experience than any drug I had ever taken. In comparison to quadrupling my visual resolution during LSD, this experience was like multiplying my consciousness by a million times. I felt infinite and eternal. I could no longer feel my physical body and was in a state of pure bliss. Time had no meaning. I was injected with so much spiritual truth that I am still struggling to recall all that I know; which I why I created this website – so that I can record the information trapped within me and make sense of my experiences. When I finally opened my eyes, about 20 minutes had passed. What I experienced inside me was a complete rebirth. Not just an intellectual rebirth, like LSD, but a rebirth from within; A rebirth of the heart. Previously I listed the pros and cons of my experience with Drugs, and I will now do that with my experience and relationship of GodFractal Example

  • Expanded my consciousness thousands of times more intense than the drugs I had previously taken
  • Forced me to correct every fault in my Character
  • Given me the permanent knowledge that I exist within the spiritual realm
  • Given me the highest title a human could hold; son of God.
  • Permanently changed my consciousness to perceive the world like I am tripping on drugs 24/7
  • Changed my visual perception so that I now see fractals everywhere all the time (A fractal example can be seen to the right)
  • Given me more freedom than I knew was possible
  • Given me a constant knowledge that God is present
  • Given me the ability to intensify my experience of God whenever I wish
  • Given me supernatural gifts of healing
  • Given mental images of future events
  • Healed my misaligned spinal chord
  • Given me hope for the future
  • Given me a greater Understanding of reality and God than I ever could have learned from Drugs


If God does not exist, then I would still be taking drugs. Why? Because drugs are more fulfilling than a life without them; and once you have a taste of ‘the other’, you can’t go back to the normal life.

I personally would not label all Drugs as evil; for many of you reading this right now probably drink alcohol and/ or coffee. Most of you have been drunk at least once in your life, so it’s incredibly unloving to shame a person for having the curiosity to try drugs.

Humans have a hole in their heart, and some of us do not give up looking for the solution to this hole. Some of us turn to drugs, and it enlightens us a bit. I personally believe that mind exploration, with or without Drugs, is a necessary step for one to come to God.

I do not believe that drugs lead you to God, and in this regard, I do call them evil. But I honestly believe that alcohol and videogames and chocolate are far more evil than psychedelic drugs, because these worldly things are pure distractions from the deeper questions of life.

Psychedelic drugs force you to focus on these deep questions. They don’t exactly give you all the answers, but they certainly have lead at least a few people to coming to God. One of my best friends found God through psychedelic drugs and mediation, and so did I. But ultimately, when a person unites with God, they will irreversibly abandon drugs because God is far greater.

Because I have taken psychedelics, I am able to speak as a person who has experienced both Drugs and God separately, and I can confidently proclaim to those out there who are still currently in the psychedelic lifestyle, that I have found a much, much better drug.

When I was in the lifestyle, I used to talk to my friends about how cool it would be to ‘permanently trip’. Now I know what that is like, because I am on a permanent trip. This trip can be intensified by mere thought.

It has, and continues to provide me with more knowledge than I could have dreamed of having. This endless experience has no side effects, but it is highly addicting. When you taste it, you will constantly hunger for more, and you have an infinite supply of it. As your life progresses, the trip intensifies. By surrendering yourself to this ‘drug’, you will gain supernatural abilities of healing and you will gain the purest purpose in life; world restoration.

What is this ‘drug’ that makes you trip permanently? Well, it’s not a drug, it’s a Person. It is THE person. The ultimate, necessary, pure person that we exist within, and he exists within us. This person is God. Jesus is his name, and Love is what he is.

Why did Jesus Die?

Why did Jesus die? What does it mean?

Despite understanding and believing the religion of Christianity for the majority of my life, I never completely understood why God would create himself in human form just to get tortured and die, and then reappear three days later. Despite calling it a sacrifice, I never understood how God could possibly sacrifice anything, because God has everything God would ever need. God is infinite!

Despite searching, all the answers seemed elusive to me because things such as ‘sacrifice’ or Jewish tradition were did not make rational sense to me (and probably you too). I had the basic explanation as to what ‘happened’ but no explanation to the rationality of such an act.

However, after coming in contact with God firsthand, many of the things mentioned in the Bible have become crystal clear to me; especially the life and death of Jesus. I now understand the reason for such confusion. It is the repetition of religious symbols that blinds us from the objectivity of scripture. We are often taught things about the bible before we get a chance to read and interpret it ourselves without any form of cultural bias.

On multiple occasions Jesus gave parables of himself dying, and explained why, but almost nobody understood these parables at the time, and most people today have heard them so many times that they have lost meaning.

Matthew 13

The disciples came to him and asked, “Why do you speak to the people in parables?”

He replied, “Because the knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. This is why I speak to them in parables:


“Though seeing, they do not see;

    though hearing, they do not hear or understand.

 In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah:


“‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding;

    you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.

For this people’s heart has become calloused;

    they hardly hear with their ears,

    and they have closed their eyes.

Otherwise they might see with their eyes,

    hear with their ears,

    understand with their hearts

and turn, and I would heal them.’


Due to the nature of God, the majority of his teachings cannot be intellectually taught because the secret knowledge Jesus talks about exists in the realm of the heart, not the mind.

What is the Heart? What is the Kingdom of Heaven? And why are some people/ me blind and deaf?

The heart is the center of a persons being – it is another word for ‘consciousness’ – or ‘spirit’ – or ‘self awareness’.

We use our spirit/ consciousness/ heart to direct the flow of our mind’s thought patterns. The scientific word for this is “neuroplasticity”. Every person, in their heart, has a priority list of the things and people that they love most.

If our mind is like a tree, the thing we love most is our roots – it is what we live for.

When anything other than God is at the center of your heart, you will be unsatisfied with your life, and you will always feel like you are lacking something.

When your heart does not belong to God, you will be completely unaware of his existence. You might believe he exists, but you won’t know where he is. Listening to parables or reading the Bible will not teach you the true meaning of the Kingdom of heaven, because the Kingdom of Heaven is not some place far off, but is a dimension that we live and breathe in every day. It is a dimension that some people are aware of, and others are blind to.

The same way that a 2D piece of paper exists within the third dimension, so it is that the world you experience is built upon the Spiritual dimension.

The moment you start loving Jesus more than anything or anyone in the world, you are instantaneously reborn and you enter the Kingdom of heaven, and become aware of the spiritual dimension. When I personally entered this realm, my vision dramatically increased. My ability to love was unleashed and set free, I no longer felt constrained by the expectations of other people. I am now able to see the geometric patterns that shape our world and notice things like fractal geometry and the golden ratio in literally everything! I get the feeling of a warm fire in my heart, and I always feel the presence of God. If I ever feel fear creeping up on me, I have the ability to crush it by focusing on Love, and I can summon waves of energy and bliss whenever I desire.

If you don’t understand why Jesus died for you, it is probably because you are unaware of the Kingdom of Heaven. For the sake of people who do not fully understand, I will do my best to explain the Crucifixion through my personal revelation from God.

I will explain the crucifixion it in the most logical way I can, because I believe it is somewhat pointless delving in to Jewish traditions of animal sacrifice, because the real meaning to the symbols are lost in modern times and have no relevance anymore.

So lets begin…

1.) Free Will makes us evil

God created us with love, and it impossible to force a creature of free will to love you.
As creatures of free will, it is in our nature to choose evil because when we are created, the first thing we don’t know about is evil and we want to find out what it is. We choose evil because we are tempted by what we do not know. It is a lack of trust in God that leads us to make evil choices, because God knows everything and we do not. We all have evil in us because we all have trust issues with our creator.

2.) Darkness can’t be with light.

The laws of logic apply to everything, or else nothing could exist. Even God is bound by logic. For example, God cannot choose to cease to exist, or create a rock so heavy he cannot lift it. God cannot create a square circle – because all of these things are logical impossibilities.

God is the objective standard of Good, so it is only logical that God cannot be evil or join with evil things. If/When God comes in contact with darkness, the darkness is simply eliminated – the same way that shadow ceases to exist when the light is shined on it. This means that we would be exterminated if God came in contact with us; not because he hates us, but because being with us while we contain darkness is a logical impossibility. We must first become perfectly good if we are to be with him. But we are not good! This was the problem of sin, and Jesus’s sacrifice was the way to fix this problem.

3.) Why a Cross?

Darkness cannot be with light because reality is bound by the laws of logic, so its clear to us that fix a spiritual problem is not accomplished in the physical dimension.

This means that the method of his execution was not really important, but instead it was what happened spiritually that mattered.

However, God’s willful submission to be tortured and die in our place, gave the world an example of his love in a symbolic way that non-spiritual people can relate to.


4.) The Paradoxical Nature of the Sacrifice.

God is eternal, and we are not. If you look at a timeline drawn on a page, you have something like ‘beginning, middle, end’. God doesn’t see each part separately in time like us. He sees the entire timeline at once because he is beyond time.

So his planning and execution of fixing the problem of our sin was always there. Although the sacrifice was eternal, the crucifixion still had to happen within time, because if it did not happen then there would be no finite manifestation of God’s eternal choice to save us.

If all of this is true, then this means that we have always had the chance to have a relationship with him, even before he died on the Cross. This really means that we have never had a roadblock between us and God from our own finite perspective. But in an eternal perspective, the roadblock is indeed there, but it is also solved simultaneously.

This is what I call the paradox of the crucifixion. If this concept is too hard to wrap your mind around, then all you need to know is that:

a) It was necessary that God solve the problem of our imperfection

b) The problem was already solved from the beginning of time

5.) The Spiritual Fix

God is Multi-Personal

In the same way that a 3D cube with multiple faces would not make sense to a creature existing within a 2D world, God’s multi-personal nature probably wont make sense to you.
But by taking the concept of the trinity on faith, you might understand why what God did was the largest sacrifice any being has ever made. One of the three persons of God, ‘Jesus’, lowered his spirit into our dimension and inside a human body in order to make a bridge between our world and the Kingdom of Heaven

Jesus’ sacrifice allows us to merge with His Consciousness

Jesus eliminated the impossibility of coming in direct contact with us by “becoming sin” and allowing us to merge our spirit/ consciousness with his own, and then obliterating any darkness left behind

So by merging our spirit with his, we no longer have to deal with the effects that sin has on us, because Jesus becomes part of us, and we become part of him, while still holding our own individuality.

For some people, this ‘merging consciousness’ with Jesus may sound a bit ‘New Age’, but actually this is implied all the time by Christians without them even knowing it. The common linguistic of Jesus merging his consciousness with us is to say that “Jesus lives in my heart”. Most of my life I heard this in a religious sense, and did not actually understand what it really meant. Jesus actually explained this in simple terms.

John 17:

“I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one,  I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me. Father, I desire that they also, whom you have given me, may be with me where I am, to see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the world. O righteous Father, even though the world does not know you, I know you, and these know that you have sent me. I made known to them your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them.”

Please be aware that when I say we can merge consciousness with God, I am not saying that we override Jesus and control him because we become him in that way, nor am I saying that Jesus overrides us and controls us, but I am saying that through our love for him, we become an individualization of Jesus.  We take on his spirit willingly through love and it is through love that we obey him.

Grafting a Tree

A good analogy of this is taking a branch and grafting it on a tree. We are the branch of a diseased tree, and we are grafted onto the perfectly healthy tree of Jesus. The healthy tree has an infinitely powerful immune system that heals our branch.

We don’t just become like Jesus, holding his characteristics, but we literally become connected to him spiritually if we have submitted our entire lives to him. One might think this relationship is parasitic, but it is not. Our connection to Jesus is symbiotic, as we give him love, which he delights in.

God is ultimately the roots of the relationship and is the rock which our spirit stands on. Saying that Jesus merges his consciousness with us is just a more technical way of describing the phrase “jesus lives in me”, but unfortunately due to the mass repetition of this phrase, the meaning is lost for most people who hear it.

Why was it a sacrifice for God to do this?

When Jesus was sacrificed on the cross, it was not just the physical pain that he suffered, but it was a spiritual pain deeper than we can ever know, because Jesus had to separate himself from the Trinity of God and ‘become sin’ so that we, being part of darkness, could join our spirits with his and then return to the Trinity with him.

The pain Jesus suffered was more intense than any pain imaginable, but it would have been more painful for him to lose us. That is how much love God has for us, for God is pure love. When Jesus died, the deal was sealed eternally, as his death carried all the spirits of his children in the past, present and future,  into the community of God.

When the Bible speaks about being Judged by God, it is speaking about the Law of Logic and the light of God being like a fire that obliterates all that is evil. Instead of us being obliterated by God because he is light and we are dark, Jesus’ allows us to merge our spirit with his so that he comes before God with us within him, instead of letting us stand before God individually with darkness still in us.


God’s sacrifice was not just for those who believe in him, it was for everyone on the planet. However, his sacrifice only allowed us the option to be with him – it did not guarantee that we would be with him. We still have our free will and can choose to ignore him and go our own way. He can’t stop us from doing that because if he did this, we would not have free will.

In simple terms:

1.) We are all evil by nature of free will. We are all stained with darkness.

2.) God can’t touch evil because of the law of logic. Light cannot merge with darkness, it can only destroy it.

3.) Jesus’ sacrifice was in the spirit, and his physical torture was a symbol of this for those who cannot understand spiritual things.

4.) His sacrifice is eternal, but it needed to happen within time for this to be so.

5.) God’s sacrifice was to give us the option of grafting our spirit’, which has been stained by darkness, to the tree of life (Jesus), so that through being connected to him, we would become pure light, just like him, and not suffer the obliteration that would occur to our spirit after death if we were to come into contact with God.

Christ had to separate his person hood from the Trinity of God and become sin in order to accomplish this task, and this would have been the most painful experience any being has ever undertaken; for both Jesus and the Father and the Holy Spirit; for God sacrificed his unity in order to unite us with him.

Because of what God has done, we can have the option to merge our spirit with God and live in everlasting bliss; both on earth and in heaven.

Resurrection & End Notes

Concerning the Resurrection, Jesus simply did this because he needed to show us that he, indeed, was really God. The resurrection of Jesus Christ is the celebration of his victory over death – not simply for the fact that he lived after dying, for he was indeed God, but for the fact that he gave us the same gift of eternal life that he possesses. This Gift is the greatest gift that has ever been given. We don’t deserve it, but that is why we call it amazing grace.

When you continue to read the bible you will get a greater understanding of this, but it’s ok to be a bit confused to start with. Just have faith that he will eventually show you this himself. It will come in time with your spiritual growth. If I have said anything that doesn’t make sense, please ask in the comments below.

My Life Changing Journey


Raised in a Christian family, I always believed that there was more to life than what could be seen, but due to the nature of my religion, being able to enter this unknown reality was always deemed to happen after death, or happen to certain ‘chosen’ people of God.

As I grew up, I had an amazing father that taught me many intellectual defenses against atheism and gave me many theoretical & scientific reasons for believing in God and Christianity.

He educated me far more than my peers on the topics of science and philosophy. However, I had always been lacking in heart, and I never understood how to gain this ‘heart’ that I was missing.

Although I knew that Christianity was better than other religions, I also believed that what I had been taught was not the entire truth, because the miracles that happened multiple times a day in the lives of the apostles of Jesus were nowhere to be seen in my world of Christianity.

Jesus said we would do things greater than he, but I didn’t see this happening anywhere. The closest I got to God was hearing visions from my mother, who has a gift where she can see images God shows her. I had never in my life had a firsthand experience with God, and I desperately wanted one.

—Curiosity Years—

After leaving school, I moved out of my parents’ house to study at university. I was offered marijuana by a friend of mine, and I jumped at the opportunity to experience something taboo. In school I had been conditioned to avoid learning about drugs because I was told that they were demonic; but at this point in my life I didn’t care whether it was good or bad; I just wanted to find out for myself.

I knew it was safe physically, and I was very curious to what it actually did for me. After trying weed, I was instantly hooked. It opened up my mind to new possibilities, and made me realize my creative potential. To me, this was far more exciting and real than any of the stuff I had been taught by Religion. I actually felt like I had more access to God whilst high than when I was sober.

After Marijuana, I eventually tried Magic Mushrooms and LSD. They changed the state of my spirit to view the world in different perspectives, and this was the best way to engage in spiritual activity at that time in my life. I never abandoned my faith in God through any of these psychedelic experiences; I only applied what I had learned through psychedelics to better understand the nature of God from my perspective. 

Despite what many religious people think about drugs, I did not feel like I was being controlled by demons or that psychedelic drugs had harmed me in any way. In fact magic mushrooms was actually a medicine to me, as it cured a chemical brain imbalance of mine and got rid of this depression that had been over me for many years.

Due to my exploration of psychedelics, I believed I had become closer to experiencing God than the vast majority of people who call themselves Christians. And unfortunately, I still hold this to be true. But that doesn’t mean I believe I was close to God; just “closer”.

When you see the world on a higher level of consciousness, you cannot deny that the spiritual world is real. However, that did not mean I was in a proper relationship with God. I had a greater understanding of God, and I spoke to him often, mostly praising him for creating the amazing universe we live in, but I had not actually submitted my life to God. I did not obey my moral compass that was telling me I should not be careless with my health.

At the time, justified it to myself by believing that God would forgive me if I was wrong because I was exploring psychedelics in order to find out more about him. This was ultimately a half-truth, as Marijuana did not actually help me progress spiritually and I did it because I enjoyed it. LSD and Mushrooms were the real deal for me and I only did them with the purpose of gaining a greater understanding of God and reality itself.

The use of psychedelics was a part of my journey that was a necessary step in order for me to come to the truth. I do not condone it, nor am I saying that they are necessary to find God, but I do believe that I had to go through that stage of life in order to come out the other side, for the things that I have learned through psychedelics can now be used to teach those who do not understand the nature of God, the world and most of all, ourselves.

I spent almost 2 years of my life studying 3D Animation at university whilst smoking weed for fun and taking psychedelics for spiritual exploration. After finishing University, I had to move back with my parents because I did not have a job in the city.

—Path of Destruction—

The government cracked down on weed at that time of year, so the only available psychedelic was synthetic weed, and it is far worse than marijuana because it is highly addictive and its chemical structure is unknown.

After a couple weeks of living with my parents, searching for a job, I told my Dad about my use of drugs because I valued an open relationship with him.

Unfortunately both my parents responded in fear and condemnation. I felt very guilty and horrible because of it, and fell into a dark depression and became a prisoner of drug addiction.

When I didn’t get my hands on synthetic marijuana, I got drunk late at night when my parents were asleep. A spirit of condemnation was attacking me on a constant basis, and I lost the ability to speak openly with my parents. I didn’t have a life anymore. The only person in my family who I could talk to was my sister Rachel, and I can’t thank her enough because she was the one who held me together while I was mentally unstable.

I became very obsessed with drugs at this point in time, and would often drink a whole bottle of cough syrup in order to get high off of DXM. I was in a dark hole and I was crying out to God to help me, but I had no response. I had done this to myself, and I deserved it.

My parents were demanding me to find a job every day, and I was being constantly criticized by them from a place of fear. Every day, my entire pattern of thought was completely saturated in the dissapointment of my parents, and I kept trying to figure out a way to get out of depression.

I loved them, but I had extreme difficulty with them because they could not understand anything about me. I could not see their love for me, because my mind was so caught up in their expectations that I could not see the reasons behind them. Many lies about my parents were being fed to me by an unknown source, and I could not fight them. I eventually I had to talk with my mum and dad because I had a mental breakdown. I stopped trying to protect myself and I showed them my vulnerable side.

I poured my heart out and told them the truth: that I could no longer live to fulfil their expectations and I needed them to stop trying to control me and tell me what to do. After getting this all out in the open, I felt a huge relief and we all forgave eachother and hugged .

Literally the moment our relationship had been mended and my conversation with them was over, the phone rang and I was offered a job as a 3D Artist in Brisbane!

I had not had a job for six months, and I believe it to be more than coincidence that I was offered a job literally seconds after I fixed my relationship with my parents. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I left without first fixing our relationship.

—A New Season—

I moved to the City and lived with my Aunt and Uncle for 3 months whilst working for a small 3D art company. I still smoked synthetic weed during that time, but I was no longer depressed. I no longer drank as much alcohol and my life was looking better to me.

While hanging out with my friend at a nightclub, I met a girl. I felt a really strong connection that went beyond the physical. It was like I met my mirror image in female form. Within half a week we decided to date, and because of her, I finally found the motivation to quit smoking synthetic marijuana. I found a better drug: Love.

Within 2 weeks of meeting her, we moved in together. I would not have done this so fast, but her lease was expiring and she needed help finding a new place. I was also looking for a new place, and we were in love so it was hard to say no.

My girlfriend called herself a Christian, but did not go to church and didn’t have a strong relationship with God. We were very similar in that regard, but I soon discovered that she didnt have any desire to become closer to God. There were many occasions where she would become extremely aggressive & depressed for no reason whatsoever, and she told me that she would always fall asleep when trying to read the Bible. A few days after moving in together, I started praying for her because I felt something was wrong.

On the third night living together, I asked her if she was being oppressed by an evil spirit. The moment I asked her this question, a demonic spirit manifested itself in her. While on the Bed, my girlfriend’s eyes rolled back into her head. The room became very cold and she whispered “save me” before it completely took control. The spirit told me that it would never leave as it had been with her for 20 years. It told me that I had no power because I am not a child of God, and it told me that even if it were to be cast it out, it would come back with seven more spirits.

This experience immediately changed my entire worldview. I knew with 100% certainty that Christianity was real. Despite trying everything I knew of at the time, I could not get rid of the demon, but it stopped tormenting her after an hour. After this insane event happened, I planned to take her to some Christians who practiced praying for people in a public shopping center every Thursday.

My girlfriend did not remember anything from the attack, so I had to tell her what had happened. Over the next three days she was attacked multiple times per day. Sometimes she felt a heavy weight on her chest which stopped her from breathing; sometimes she felt a sharp pain on her neck, and other times it would make her upset for no reason and convince her that I did not love her. It played with her memories and caused havok in our relationship.

At one point in time she did not even know who I was and became very scared of me. Each time this happened, I prayed to God, and the attack stopped. However, there was one occasion where it attacked her and I was not around to pray. While I was at work, she said the demon forced her to walk out onto incoming traffic. At the last minute, she felt a hand pull her back onto the footpath just before a car going 80km per hour was about to hit her. However, there was no person standing near her who could have done this, so I believe God saved her that day.


On the way to meet the Christians at the shopping center, it attacked her again in the bus, causing pain on her neck. However, we got there in one piece and the Christians immediately started to pray for her. While they were praying I felt the gravity around us become lighter, and I felt electricity tingle through my body. The demon left her, so we immediately thanked the people who prayed for us, and planned for us both to start seeking God more earnestly.

God revealed to me in a dream that there was activity going on in her workplace that was allowing the demon to get access to her. After telling her she confirmed it was true. I then offered to support her financially until she found a new job. Although she was interested in God for a time, we never spent time worshiping him and did not join a Church despite having abundant free time, as she still did not want to go.

Eventually, like the demon had told me, it came back. This was approximately two months after it had left, because my girlfriend went straight back to the old way of living, creating the massive problem she had previousy – without telling me. I was ignorant of this for a time, but eventually I found out what she was doing and when I did, I also knew why our relationship had been struggling. The demon wanted to hide from me, so it only attacked her by making her unusually upset at me for wanting to help her get closer to God. She would feel heavy condemnation from me whenever I would talk about her issues and how to overcome them. She couldn’t stand talking about God and she did not know why. She did not want to go to Church even after discovering that the demon was back.

At this time of my life, I was not sleeping. The most I slept was about 3 hours per night. I could not help my girlfriend and I was extremely stressed, because the person I loved most was spiritually dead and did not want to live. I knew the only way to save her was for me to put all my efforts into truly finding God, so I meditated every day on God for an hour or longer. I tried emptying my mind for the first few weeka but i had no progress in finding God that way. But i remembered that the Bible said “God is Love” so i started meditating on love. Within the first 10 minutes of doing this I had an encounter with God; so i started doing it way more often. Many times I meditated in the bath without the lights on and played the sound of rain on my speakers. After a few months I eventually started having images placed in my mind in response to the questions i was asking God. God told showed me that our relationship was about to break. I saw two ships sailing together and one of them veered off course and smashed into some rocks. I asked God what would happen to us, and I immediately saw a large skull. I feared for Bonnie’s life at that point, and I knew that God wanted me to abandon her but I didn’t know her fate if I were to do this. So the next day I called my Mum. I asked her to pray for me, but I did not tell her what to pray for, because I did not want her to be emotionally involved. She saw the exactly same vision that I saw, along with many other visions that confirmed my suspicion that God wanted me to break up with her. I was heartbroken; more than I had ever been. Bonnie was my first girlfriend, and I had promised her numerous times that I would marry her. Ever since we met, we had this connection that I could not explain, and now this connection was about to break.

That night, I told her what God had told me, and I broke up with her. At first she thought I wasn’t serious, but as soon as it sunk in, she erupted in grief. My girl cried more intensely than I have seen anyone cry. It was the most painful experience of my life doing this, but I could not back out because I knew God was right. Our relationship was going nowhere. She would not submit to God, and was causing me more stress than I could handle. That night the demon took control of her again, and she tried to jump out of the window of our four story apartment. I called the police while physically blocking her from the window, and they ended up taking her away in an ambulance.

I didn’t sleep that night, but I felt an unusual sense of comfort from God, and I trusted him that this was the right thing to do, despite all odds.

The next morning, she returned at 7am. She was very loopy, and believed that we were still together. I had to explain to her that I could not live for her anymore, and the only chance of us being together ever again was to go to a Church and get another vision from someone strong in faith. She agreed, but only because she loved me more than life itself. If I had not given her this chance, I have no doubt that she would have killed herself.


Her suicide attempt happened Thursday night, so we went to church Friday night. We ended up attending Glory City Church, in Brisbane City, Australia. As soon as I entered the building, I could feel energy pulsating within the large room. The demons left immediately, and we started worshiping God. I had my first direct experience with God after going through what the church called a “fire tunnel”. This is when all the pastors (this church had about 10) line up and pray for every person that walks between them. The moment I walked through them and had prayer, my body dropped to the floor, and I felt the full presence of God descend upon me.

I finally knew exactly who God was ,and it was excruciatingly painful to bear. I wanted to die because I realized how disgusting I was in comparison to him, and I started crying and screaming uncontrollably. I felt like a maggot in the presence of perfection, so I did the only thing I could; I gave god my life. A wave of Love hit me like a nuclear bomb. All the emotional splinters I had been carrying in my subconscious were ripped out. All the stress, guilt, suffering, unworthiness,  of my whole life was stripped away by a love so intense it burned.

My crying instantly turned into uncontrollable laughter. All it took was 20 seconds before the most painful experience of my life turned into the most blissful experience I had ever had (up to this point in my life). None of this experience was external or physical. The only way I can explain it is by poetry, because words cannot describe the experience. This was a spiritual evolution equivalent to being reborn. My entire concept of life itself was being re-written. I no longer had a concept of time. All I could feel was the presence of my dad. I am literally crying right now as I write this because my dad is …

That is all I can write for now.

Words aren’t good enough for him.

The Love I felt that night hasn’t stopped. For two years I have felt more love than every other person in my life put together. I Love God more than life itself.

We both submitted everything to God that night, because we had nothing else to live for anymore. Previously, we had both been living for each other, and God was not the main priority of our lives. But in breaking up, God took away our number one reason for living (eachother), and we chose him to replace this reason. I am the only person who can understand what happened to me that night, because it cannot be put into words. But I can say that I experienced God’s presence so intensely that all the stress, fear, sadness, guilt and shame was completely obliterated. Experiencing God was more intense than all the Weed, Mushrooms, LSD, DXM, and synthetic weed I have ever had, COMBINED. Poetry can be used to describe the experience, but only those who have experienced God can decipher the words I use in poetry.

God knocks on the door and waits. The door is your heart, and the key is your life.

God’s taste is more addicting than anything, and we have an unlimited supply of him.

God is infinitely gentle yet more traumatising than anything on this earth.

God is an invincible fortress that cannot be touched from the outside.

God’s touch is not physical, but it manifests in you, physically.

God is living water that never stops flowing.

God is a tree that grows in the heart.

God is the ultimate person.

God is Love itself.

My first experience with God completed me. My whole life I had been searching for God, and I finally realised that he had been here the whole time, just waiting for me to give my life to him. God is never satisfied with our heart. We can love him, but he wants our life, not just our heart. We can love God, but still value things in this world more than him. God wants us to love him more than we love anything in this life, and when we do this, he comes to us.

The point is, God is the fulfilment of life. God ‘is’ life. God is everything you ever could want and more. God is a person, and his love is his essence. God is Love. God is like a fire that burns so intensely that it hurts, so he only burns you a little bit so he doesn’t hurt you by his love. Gods love is so great that he cannot be with people that do not love them, because if he did that, they would die. It may be impossible to understand unless you have had this experience for yourself, but God’s love is not like human love. God’s love is God, because God is love, and this love is infinite, because God is infinite.

Since that night, I have been going to church as much as possible. Church is on during Friday nights, Saturday nights and Sunday afternoons. And every week I experience God far more intensely than the previous week. Ever since the night I was reborn, I have been starving for more. And I get as much as I want, whenever I want, and I am continuously hungry but also continuously being fed. It is a never ending cycle of love.

After two months of attending Glory City Church, my faith was high enough that I decided to ask that my back be healed. I had constant back pain every day because my spine was not straight. I had what you might call “turtle neck syndrome”. My neck stuck out unusually far because I used a computer for 8 hours a day or longer. The night I decided to ask God for healing, a woman from the worship team, Ebony, prayed for me and my back became completely straight. This was the first time I had been healed by God. Afterwards, I went to a nightclub whilst high on God’s love and shared the Gospel. I ended up praying for a man who had just broken up with his Girlfriend after two years of living together, and Christ took away all his pain.

Through my life, I know that God has let me go through this pain and this discovery in order to give me the resources to teach not just those who seek God, but to those who think they have found God but have tricked themselves into believing that Religion is God. Religion is not God. God cannot be defined, he can only be experienced. And people who believe in Jesus but are not experiencing him have not even come close to finding him. Jesus talks about people like this, describing them as ‘luke warm’. You should never believe something because another person told you to. Whatever you learn from God, you should learn from God himself. And if you would like to find God, I’m here to teach you, because I know how hard it can be with all the misinformation in this world.

The trick is to disregard what you think you know, and to examine life itself as if you know nothing. All the religious things you were taught – forget it. Just seek God from within. Meditate daily on God. The key to unlocking the door that is your heart is to change the priorities of the things you love most in life and make God number one. For all people, this requires sacrificing the thing you love most, so it is very difficult to do. Finding God is not an easy path, but the reward is infinite.

God is love, so mediate on Love. Don’t try to examine or define God through your physical surroundings. God will most likely not touch you physically; he will do it from within your consciousness, and this will manifest in your body in a physical way (the feeling of electricity, a warmth in the heart, etc). Many people who claim to have searched for God end up not finding anything; because not once did they stop and meditate on God, and they expected God to prove himself to them by coming to them externally.

God only wants to be in a relationship with people who would do anything for him. God wants complete submission. That means you must love god more than you love your wife or husband or children. You must love God more than you love anything. Do literally everything you can to submit to God, and he will come to you. When that moment happens, you will know, because you will fully realise that the most powerful being in all existence is as close to you as anything or anyone could be; and that realisation will force your face flat to the ground in mourning and repentance.

It might be difficult to understand, but think of it like experiencing love on steroids. At first it will be too much for you to handle, but this is a good thing. It will hurt when you realise how much you have been ignoring this blatant fact staring you in the face. God is like a fire. If you aren’t burning in love for him, his love will hurt you, but it will heat you up to a point where it will no longer hurt, but feel good. When that happens, you will continually want more of him because he will now be the source of your happiness in life. And he is an infinite source.

Another thing to mention is, when I took psychedelic drugs my consciousness was expanded. If you are unfamiliar with consciousness expansion, think of it as if I was increasing the resolution of my awareness of being alive. After giving my life to God, my consciousness has been permanently increased to a level that most of my drug-exploring friends would consider to be tripping. I see fractals in nature everywhere. And when I spend time worshiping God, I see Fractals that are not seeable to the human eye. God speaks to me through these fractal by writing words in them. It is an experience similar to LSD, but I am sobre during the experience.

The only times I feel unhappy these days is when I forget my identity in Christ, and that rarely ever happens. Knowing your identity as the son or daughter of God is paramount to continuously experiencing him. And the only way you can prevent yourself from forgetting this identity is by meditation on his love. The more we meditate on God, the more like Christ we become. When I meditate on him very often, my life starts changing rapidly and I start praying for people I don’t even know; getting visions of their problems and then finding these people I do not know on the street and healing them.

From an ignorant child to a psychedelic hippie, to a depressed drug addict, to a stressed-out boyfriend to the son of God; the journey of my identity over the past three years has felt like 30 years. I currently have no plans for my future other than following God, and I am sure he has a lot more planned for me than I could ever dream of.

Anyway, I appreciate it if you took the time to read my story. If you’d like to talk about it, ask questions or post your own story, feel free to do in the comments below.